Haunted Tropes #004 – No One Likes You Here

Tropes are not clichés, which are dull and uninteresting. These are common scares that come back year after year because they work, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re highly repetitive. Join us every Thursday as we explore these Haunted Tropes.

GET OUTIt’s hard to go through a haunted house anymore and not suffer feelings of unwantedness, anguish, regret… The sad thing about this is that it just all feels so… unoriginal. You see, I remember the good old days… the days when ghosts and ghouls would speak terrible things to you, words and images that would chill you down to your bones, and then down to your soul, and then down to the souls of your bones after that. (Bone Souls are real. People have been trying to tell me they aren’t for ages. Don’t listen to them! Trust me instead. I’m a highly reputable source. Osteo-Souls, they’re called. Google it. It’s a thing.)

Those days are gone now, though. Most ghouls, goblins, and zombies that you meet inside a haunt anymore won’t try to terrify you into submission. They’ll simply insist that you get o-

GET OUT

Achem. Get Out. Yes, that’s what I was saying. Look, I understand that I’m a trespasser here. I know I wasn’t actually invited to this crazy person’s house, and I don’t exactly expect to be given a tray of sandwiches and cookies when I barge my way into somebody’s living room. But there comes a point when it’s too much, when every single inhabitant of the place just wants you to…

GET OUT

Look, I’m pretty accepting when it comes to these sorts of things. But it doesn’t help me feel scared or threatened when you’re telling me to…

GET OUT

after every single corner I turn. In fact by the time the 4th or 5th person has told me to…

GET OUT

it starts to have the opposite effect. This isn’t frightening anymore, it’s just annoying. Sometimes I’m trying to admire the setwork, or take in all the details that someone painstakingly put into the room during the build, but try as I might to linger for just a moment and drink in the details there’s always someone there pushing me forward, screaming at me. It starts to make the whole haunt feel rushed.

GET OUT

It wouldn’t be so bad if it was just the ghouls or the zombies or the nutjobs either, but sometimes even the voluntary victims start screaming at me to…
Just GET OUT

It’s the phrase I’ve heard inside haunted houses over my cumulative reviewing career more than any other. I’ve been told to…
GET THE HELL OUT

probably thousands of times by now, and it’s never scary and it’s never anything but…You need to GET OUT

OK, seriously? I was in the middle of a sentence that time. That wasn’t even the right cue, you’re supposed to say it when…GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

Look, I don’t know what you’re trying to pull here, but this is my blog, and I’ll stay here as long as I damn well please! Look, it’s not my intention to offend you. I’m just trying to explain to these nice folks why this particular trend is somewhat annoying. It’s nothing personal, you understand. Really, this is your fault, you’ve been relying on this old phrase for far to many years now. If you can’t come up with something new and original to say, then I’ll have no choice but to…GET OUT NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! Do not fight with me this way! Seriously, you need to step back and take a look at yourself. How scary do you even think this is? Come up with something else. ANYTHING else! Anything would be scarier than this. Any single thing you could say would be less trite and overused than “Get Out”. Do you hear me? Literally anything! This is the most utterly generic phrase ever uttered by anyone inside a haunt or out, and if I never ever hear it again as long as I live it will be too soon!

GET THE HELL OUT

UGH! FINE! I get it! I’m going!Now, GET OUT I PAID THIRTY DOLLARS TO BE HERE DAMNIT!

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